I WAS OUT OF LINE

Gentlemen of the BSS;

After Speaking with CO Tbar on this issue of post "Chain of Command" and

other issues, I took everything the Co and I talked about in to consideration,

and weighed heavily on this issue pertaining to my post and Tbar's reply!

1. I was very much out of line, I went against the very principal of my post

Chain of Command, being respect the rank and not the man! I miss judged

this man and CO from the very beginning, and I showed this CO & Man No

respect whatsoever in my reply to his in the post Chain of Command!

2. Fact: I had a problem on how to deal with my CO and this man in general,

I should have gone to my XO and talked about it first, and or waited prior to

posting any reply, I should have also taken steps to speak with my CO ither

by way of telephone, email and or TS, " NOT reaching out in anger in any post

reply negatively!!!, for which I chose the lateral! This was wrong, very much

wrong of me to do, and as a retired veteran CO Captain in the USMC, I knew

better to respond and act in such a manner that only fuels the fire instead of

putting it out, and or resolves any issue in a more appropriate and intelligible

way, again I chose the lateral out of spite and anger! "This again was "Wrong!"

3. As a USMC Veteran it is hard to admit I'm wrong, but more so being a man and

to admit you were wrong when there are times you believe you are right, one must

weigh the options, and ask them selves, what is it I'm trying to gain out of all this

in wanting to be right!, and what will be the consequences if I'm right, will my CO

be looked down upon and not be respected as a man, is this what I want? No it

is not what I want..., I only wanted fairness, equality and respect, but I have a way

about my self that seems to deviate from my objective, and that's called, 'Acting

by way of emotions! in this case, My anger superseded my ability to reason! In

a combat fire fight I would have cost lives and my own, by any decision and order

given based upon my emotions!

4. Even though My CO has stated there are no ranks in the BSS and we are all

equal, I still feel I owe respect for their leadership in the higher Chain of Command,

and this by abiding, following and carrying out my orders in general!

5. Lastly but not leastly to all BSS pilots, I'm a 2 Tour Hard Core Combat Veteran

from Viet Nam, Some of you were never born at the time I served, "Do not follow

me, (by my words for your path to go down) Things I've seen and things I've done

will always be a nightmare to me, a hellish dream I will never awaken from, My

destiny and path I chose at the age of 18, and from that day forward lives on in

me at the age of 57 soon to be 58, God Willing, My path was toatl destruction after

leaving the USMC, being Divorce, Booze and a life of loneliness, I've even managed to

drive away my own daughter who turned 32 this Nov 12th, 2007, Tbar said something

to me on Team Speak that hit home and stuck with me, many a person has commented

the same to me over the past 10 years, being "Self Persecution" and or Self Destruction!

Yes, he hit the nail right on the head with that comment, I have ask that question to

myself many a time, Viet Nam was so long ago and why can I just let it go? but, Viet

Nam was like yesterday to me so clear and so vivid that haunts me every awakening

and sleeping hour! Many a time I had put courage to my mouth (Whiskey) and put

my old trusted Springfield Armory 1911 A1 45 ACP to kiss the baby! I'm alone and I

chose I guess to stay that way, when you drive away the only family you have, goes

to show you how much your worth, and as for trying to reach out and to make friends

on here, that too I went about it in the wrong way, loneliness is something that hurts

worst then the pain I suffered from my wounds, for that I wish on no man, To be

quite frank, I use to call on God in a fire fight, for which I believe every man gets religion

when the enemy is close enough to look you in the eye, but I even turned from God,

blaming him for not bringing my people home safely, but most of all, I blame myself,

I was their CO, and I regret sending some Mother's son in Harms way!, and having to

write them a letter about their son, while they read it, looking down on a closed casket

draped with the U.S. Flag. In conclusion, yes this is only a game, and yes I have taken it

to serious, and yes I will tone it down. My deepest apology to the BSS and it's pilots!

Cutter